When life goes wrong, HORRIBLY wrong
by Kamishiina.Jougen
Summary: A day in life as all of our beloved shinigami, Espadas and Vizards were forced to live a human life after the Winter War. One word:Fucked up. Warning for languages,some yaoi implied couples and I am not responsible if you died because of laughing so hard
1. Nursing home

So yeah~ I was sitting with my dear friend Namashe, and just suddenly have a twisted idea of forcing all of our much loved characters into normal life (Grimmjow: Curse ya, woman!!!) We were laughing so hard, my head slammed onto the wall behind and she could not be able to practice her clarinet (Apology, Shorty, but that was worth it *laughs*)

**Summary**: The whole series will be pointless babbles, fucked up parodies and total humiliations (especially for Yamamoto-jiijii *laughs and rolls on the floor*). You shall see Aizen as a principle, Gin as a school nurse, Kenpachi as a PE teacher and ect. A day in life as all of our beloved shinigami, Espadas and Vizards was forced to live a human life after the Winter War. Warning for languages (Kenpachi's, Hichigo's and Grimmy's especially), some yaoi couples (Hichi/Ichi, Grim/Ulqui, Ai/Gin) and again, TOTAL humiliation (apology, again, Yama-oyaji, but that was just too hilarious to NOT write down)

**Disclaimer: **Bleach's characters belong to Kubo Tite. I just own the humiliating part *winks* but won't make a cent out of it *tears*

Enough chit-chatting, please enjoy and review, thank you ^^

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**Morning-7am-Nursing Home**

If you thought you just saw it wrong, or had to read it twice, then no, there was no problem with your eyesight. It was a beautifully peaceful morning at the Karakura Nursing Home, currently managing by the one and only Unohana Retsu. Now, you may ask why the Captain of the Fourth Division was managing a Nursing Home, even if she had lost all of her power.

Well, let's just say that the reason was very delicate and should not be mentioned to outsiders…

-Ho ho ho! Yamamoto-jii, is your back fine today? Why~ to think about it~ How many pain-killer pills had you taken last night??

-Oh dear, Kisuke~ Give the old man a lil break, will you? He has suffered enough of his poor old age~

-But Isshin! It would be terribly rude of me to not concern about his wellness, don't you think?

-You are absolutely right, Kisuke! But speaking of which, don't you think we should also concern about Baraggan-jiijii* right here? I think he lost his teeth again!

Now if you could hear a hissing sound somewhere, it was probably the imaginary steam which streamed furiously out of Yama-oyaji's and Baraggan-jii's ears. Oh yes, no power meant mortal and mortal meant they were **old**! If you did not find that having Yamamoto's back could be twisted upon any careless movement or Baraggan's (fake) teeth falling out of his mouth in any second amusing, then Isshin and Kisuke here could probably say a couple of colorful words.

-Ye switty lil magwots!! 'ow ere ye mock me, twash?!?!?! (Translation: "You shitty little maggots! How dare you mock me, trash?!?!?)

Baraggan, apparently having trouble speaking due to the absent of his (fake) teeth, was snarling (and spitting in the process) at the two younger men. Isshin burst out laughing right there and then, practically rolling on the floor, as Urahara said with (fake) tears pouring out like a water fountain on his face:

-Oh dear~ I'm so hurt! For once you have mistaken our sincerely concerns as horribly disrespectful manners! Isshin! I cannot bear this shame!

Yamamoto had had enough. Stood up and leaned against his cane (shaking all the way), he sputtered at the two insolent brats:

-You'll be punished, brats!! I shall roast you alive!!!

-Twess!!! I ill shoin ye!!! (Translation: "Yes!!! I will join you!!!)

And then Yama-jiijii and Baragaan-jiijii charged together at Isshin and Kisuke.

…

…

………………..

Yama-jiijii and Baragaan-jiijii were still getting off their beds. Meanwhile…

-Noooooooo~~ We have to ruuuuuuunnnn~~~ Kisuke!!! Ruuuuuuuunnnn~~~ for our liiiiiiveeesss~~~

Kurosaki Isshin started to run in slow-motion, picking up his feet just as sluggishly as a turtle would, and even slower. Urahara Kisuke, however, had collapsed upon the floor and fanned himself while panting desperately:

-Noooo~~ I can't…make it! Go on without me, Isshin!! Run! Run for your freedom!!! Leave me behind!! GOOD-BYE, CRUEL WORLD!!!!

As if it was possible, Yama-jii's and Bara-jii's fury got worse. They managed to stand up, and walked a few steps toward the squirming Urahara and dragging Kurosaki, before…

_**Crack!**_

-……………………………..my back………………………

And Yamamoto collapsed, back twisted and arms twitching.

At the same time, Baraggan-jiijii just spotted something…

-Muh tweeth!! MUH TWEETH!!! (Translation: "My teeth!! MY TEETH!!!)

And he ended up trying (in vain) to bend down and picked up his (fake) teeth. Could not maintain their poker faces anymore, Isshin and Kisuke both burst out into a howl of laughter, not able to stop.

-Ma, ma~ Now what is going on here, gentlemen?

Out of nowhere, Unohana appeared with her usual smile…

…and the murderous aura which was pouring endlessly out of her.

…

…

………………………….

-GYAAAAHHH!!!! RUN, ISSHIN, RUN!!!!!

-I AM, YOU IDIOT!!!!!

And them both rushing out of the nursing home, pretty aware of what could have happened if they were any slower.

What a beautiful beginning of a day, was it not?

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*: Baraggan Luisenbarn is the Segunda Espada. I know he's supposed to be dead, but it is just plain hilarious to make fun of him like that, so I decided to "revive" him *smiles brilliantly* I bet he wished he was dead, now ^^

Please review, thank you so very much and await for the next chapter, which includes Ulquiorra-chan and Grimmy ^^


	2. Breakfast

**~Breakfast~**

For once in his life, Ulquiorra Cifer was speechless. He stared at the red, sloppy, squishy thing with eyes twice as big as normal. Cautiously, the former Cuatro Espada poked the suspicious thing, and it immediately _shook_ horribly. Jerked his hand back, emerald eyes alerted as he finally spoke, as emotionless as ever:

-What is _this?_

Grimmjow, who apparently was having a time of his life, fought back a full blow of laughter before answering the obviously bewildered Ulquiorra (Though Cifer still kept his cold demeanor as usual):

-'S jello.

-Jel…what?

-Jello! Jel-lo!-Grimmjow spoke slowly, even added animated moves to explain the thing to the confused Cuatro Espada, though it was not as successful as he supposed it had to be.

Ulquiorra frowned at Grimmjow's idiotic attempts, but still…

-I…do not understand.

The former Sexto Espada hit his face, hard. Sure, Ulquiorra was cute as he was clueless, but that was just too much. So Grimmjow just explained it the simplest way it should be before he could actually be angry:

-'S breakfast. Eat it.

-Ea-eat it?

-Yes! Eat it! E-a-t!!

Ulquiorra again stared at the jello like it was going to explode at his face. Reluctantly, he used a spoon to scoop a little bit into his mouth. The former Sexto Espada watched him carefully, as the Cuatro was as irresponsive as ever. Finally, decided that his anxiety would flare up his rage anytime, Grimmjow asked:

-So? Like it?

Ulquiorra did not answer right away. Grimmjow thought himself was about to slam his fist onto the table, just to get a little reaction, but Ulquiorra slowly spoke before he could have a chance to do so:

-Grimmjow?

-Ya?

-I do not like strawberry.

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Lol, I love this little piece of work. I love this couple too, for Ulquiorra is way too adorably cute, and Grimmjow is just too idiotic (still cute, anyway ^^)

Review, please w Thank you ^^


	3. The Janitor

**~~The Janitor~~**

Ichigo knew from the very beginning that Aizen Sousuke was insane. But now seeing that, he concluded not only that, but Aizen also had a fucked up sense of humor. What gave him such an idea? Well, Ichigo Kurosaki was currently staring at the new janitor, who was arranged into that position by the newly (self-proclaimed) principle Aizen Sousuke. The janitor was currently scrubbing desperately a completely _clean_ corridor, while the lunch hall (which happened to be right new to the corridor) was pilled up with trash. Give me a guess who was the new janitor?

…

…

You were damn right, it was Tousen.

Rukia, Renji and Ishida was dumbstruck. The Espada gang paled, while Grimmjow and Hichigo were laughing their asses off openly. Ichigo stated to question Aizen's sanity even more. Orihime thought it was extremely cruel of Aizen to mistreated a handicapped man. So being as nice as she was, she approached Tousen (still scrubbing) carefully (was she afraid of him hitting her with a broomstick or something???) and was about to kindly point out where he should be cleaning, before…

-Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice! Justice!~~~~

Apparently, even though he got transformed from a shiniigami to a janitor, Tousen's motto had not changed one bit.

Which made Inoue Orihime slowly backed up and ran away.

_________

*laughs* Admit it, it was funny *laughs harder* I have to give Namashe the credit for having this idea. I can totally _see_ Tousen doing that *laughs* I'd have to draw the whole scene out some day XD

Coming up next: 1st period-PE!

Please review ^^ Have a good day, everybody ^^


	4. 1st Period PE

**~~1st period-PE~~**

-Alright, ye maggots! Lemme see how much strength yer shitty little bodies have!!!

All the students' mouth dropped. Not only because of the language their new teacher used, but also at his humongous body. That was not all. The guy's everything just screamed "VILLAIN" at their face.

Ichigo's gang paled.

-Kenpachi!! What the fuck are you doing here?!?!

Now that was Ichigo. Great, that just made his day! What did they call that? Shiniigami unleashed?! Whatever it was, having Kenpachi as a PE teacher was not a very…safe idea at all. Man! He knew Aizen had a fucked up mind, but that was just pure shit!!

-Ya wanna know what the fuck I'm doin' 'ere?

Ichigo did **not** like that grin.

-Round the school 200 laps!!!

-WHAT?!?!?-Grimmjow's eyes almost popped out of his skull.

-Heard me, maggots! Dat or I'll beat yer asses up!!!

-WTF?!?! Is that a _wooden sword_?!?!

-Captain!!! You're not suppose to beat your students!! It's illegaaaaaaaaallll~~~~

Shinji did not have enough time to finish his sentence, for Kenpachi had already charged behind them, waving his stupid wooden sword dangerously with that insane grin on his face.

* * *

I laugh. I love this, but I'd quit school if he was really my PE teacher *rofl* Again, many thanks to Shorty-*coughs* Namashe *coughs coughs* and my friend Ryan, who happened to draw Ken-chan waving a wooden sword with a crazed expression after reading my scratch *laughs*

By the way, do you want me to extend this chapter a little bit?

Coming up next: Karakura Middle School

Review please ^^ And I'd also much appreciate any idea you can provide me ^^

Thank you all ^^


	5. 2nd PeriodArt

Greetings~ It's the crazy crow again *dances dances* I figure that hibernating throughout two months of the summer would be enough (_ _") Beside, Namashe would probably strangle me to death if I come back this autumn without a new chapter (_ _") (though she's been a lazy ass too and won't update her story ="= I'll strangle her later ="= )

So there has been a change of plan and this chapter isn't "Karakura Middel School" (_ _") I'm still editing it (attempting to make it more crazy :"D)

Enjoy!

="=

**Chapter 5:**** 2****nd**** Period-Art**

"Yer fuckin' kiddin' me, right? What the hell is the purpose of studyin' _ART_? We're fuckin' _Espadas_, fer cryin' out loud!"

"Stop whining, Grimmjow. And correction, we _were_ Espadas. You should embrace the fact that currently, we are…_human…"_

Grimmjow shot an incredulous look at the impassive _ex_-Cuatra, he exclaimed rather loudly:

"Hell no! I like embracin' ya better, thanks!"

Ulquiorra immediately flustered, with Shirosaki and Kurosaki snickered frantically behind them. The green-eyed Arrancar frowned slightly, finally decided to ignore the smug grin on Sexta's face. Sighing, he pushed Art Class' heavy door open, knowing that Shirosaki would make dirty jokes on them all day.

Ulquiorra blinked.

_Is that…_

-Ulqui?

…_Yammi?_

Frustrated at the lack of answers, Grimmjow peeked over Ulquiorra's head to look inside the classroom. His jaw dropped.

-OH MY FUCKIN' AIZEN! WHY THE FUCK ARE YA **NAKED?**

Oh yes, standing in the middle of the classroom, was the ex-Cero _Espada_, proudly _naked_. Seeminlgy disturbed by Grimmjow's screech (yes, the kitty-cat **did** screech), Yammi made another pose, showing off his…uh…private areas even more:

-Yer still an idiot Grimmjow. Tis is what people call "art".

-Art my ass!-Grimmjow covered his poor eyes with calloused hands, only to realize that Ulquiorra was still staring blankly at the scene in front of him. Immediately, Jarguajaques wrapped his hands around Cifer's widened innocent eyes (the fact that they had become larger than normal was very, very alarming).

-Ow! Ow! OW! My fuckin' eyes!-The teal haired man thrashed.

-What ter hell 'r ya fussin' 'bout?-Curiously hissed Shiro, as he pushed both Grimmjow and Ulquiorra out of the way, Ichigo right behind his tail.

…

…

…..

-HOLY FUCKIN' ZANGETSU!

="=

So how was it :"D ?Good? Bad? Terrible? Hilarious? Please review ^^"


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